What's In A Name?

What is in a name?

Well we all have one and we use it daily, extensively- writing it on documents, on papers, signing your life away with it. People use it to get your attention- call it out, whisper it cleverly, or scream it into the atmosphere. There are books written about the meaning of names, and expecting parents tumble into research and sometimes arguments to delicately pick a name that will suit what they expect in a child.

So there is a lot in a name.
Unfortunately sometimes a child is named and they feel outcast in their name. I have a friend named Katrina* and she rarely goes by that name or any close nickname as she just feels it doesn't fit her.
In my case I was also given a beautiful name, but my parents chose to call me by my nickname my whole life; and I, unlike Katrina, always felt a close connection with my nickname. It resembles my personality to a Tee. My nickname is more artsy, unique, and tomboyish (unlike my very graceful and sexy full name).

So then what does this have to do with Relationship Ruckus?

I seriously dated Sam* who preferred my full name to my nickname.
The problem? He refused to call me by the name I have gone by whole life. The name I feel very connected to and love. He explained that he didn't like my nickname, which to me made me feel he really couldn't like me.

Therefore Sam expected me to act like a beautiful, graceful, and sexy person..which I can be, but he expected it at 110% every minute of the day. When I did not meet these expectations I was regarded as not caring for how he felt. He thought I purposely betrayed his wishes and expectations because he saw me as name I wasn't-a person I wasn't.

What he did not understand was there is more to a name. You can't chose someone else's name unless they are your child or they give you that right.
Eventually I realized he did not see me as who I really was, but as someone he wanted me to be- and it became simply obvious when I realized all that behavior manifested in the context of a name.

I never lied about who I was, he had fair warning and a month of advance knowledge before we committed to each other.

Very recently I have started dating another guy, Mike*. He found out about my full name and jumped on the opportunity to use it instead of my nickname (which I feel is my REAL name). He kept introducing me as such, and I had to correct him every time. I finally took him aside to tell him not to call me that name. Luckily he was understanding and did as he was asked.

I realized that for me, and probably for most people, that there is a lot in a name. You must protect who you are and be proud of everything that encompasses you and who you feel you are-every flaw, every perfection.
You are your name, whatever name you end up choosing to go by.

This experience really ruined the experience I have with my full name. I always like the name and used it when necessary, but now I feel like I must defend myself against this name, because Sam took something that wasn't his. He took my names and prostituted them. I am sure I will eventually reconnect with that name, but for now it is ruined.

So what else is in a name?

Repeat offenders, name-wise.
I have implemented a new dating rule to my life, and it has to do with names. Remember that guy, Sam I was talking about? Well he was the third Sam I've seriously dated and they all turned out to be major A-holes.

3 strikes and you are out. In an attempt to avoid the situations i incurred with them I have decided to make a superstitious and somewhat childish decision never to date another Sam. Do with that what you will.

Thanks for reading.
Comments and questions are welcome.

*All names have been changed to protect the guilty!