Well, it's been some time since I have written-which is perfect for my topic about Time!
Time has been talked about, sang about and written about since the beginning of...well, time.
It dictates most of our world, dividing our lives into ages, dates, alarm clocks, and assessing our success. There are many ways we keep track of it; watches, cell phones, sun cycles, seasons, square boxes on pieces of paper, and in memories. It is elusive and priceless, but can come at a cost.
I think time is often a ticking bomb in relationships. From the very first glance of attraction the stop watch is set. Tick Tick Tick, softly tapping beneath our hearts and our thoughts.
Usually in the beginning we let the time spent with our significant other consume us, and if we don't it is considered odd or damaging.
I honestly don't know if that is true or not; I am sure it is different for every couple.
What I do know, however, is that there are times when one needs time to collect their own thoughts at their own pace-without someone hovering over them. There are times when one needs to sit in their room and listen to new music and paint their toenails.
Lately I have been letting my nail polish crack and fade and I have been listening to the same songs for months. I want to split my time and spend it catching up with myself and take the other part and immerse myself in him...but I know that the latter will only make things worse.
You see if you allow yourself to get too far away from, well, yourself it will damage the relationship. Because, he fell in love with you, so don't lose yourself. And you need to know yourself to conduct a healthy relationship.
Like right now for example; I want to go pick him up and spend the night wrapped up in his arms. However I know I have time to do things I love, even things I've committed to (art and music). Sometimes I just want him around all the time to keep me company while I do these things, but I don't want to lose my sense of independence either.
Another thing, tick tick, is how time affects the longevity and status of every relationship. How long before you decide to become official? Is there is time frame that needs to be met before it becomes too late? Or worse yet, too early?
For me it always seems that my relationships happen when they are ready, not when I am, and develop at their own pace-again-not mine. When I have learned to take it really slow, the relationship throws me for a loop and happens quickly and easily. When I am dying to fall in love no one is around.
I have this feeling that the relationship I am in right now is going to be ready for me before I had planned. Which gives me potential to mess it up more so.
I also have a couple friends that seem to be in this predicament. They say they are not ready for "the one" yet. They are supposed to have other things in place first.
Well as my therapist says and as the almighty powers have shown us time and time again; if we stick to schedules and time tables and sun dials too much we might miss the goofy pictures on the calendar or the sunset.
And you don't want to miss the sunrise too much.
Oh look at the time, gotta run.
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4 comments:
I have really enjoyed reading your posts and I do hope that I have some how contributed a little to your blog so far and I am waiting for more posts from you. I believe that there does need to be a balance between time spent with your significant other and time spent painting your toenails and listening to new music, as you have said. Not that I listen to a lot of new music anyway.
There is always an inherent flaw when it comes to relationships and love, and that would be that it takes two people to make it work. I think that the person who is the "one" whenever they show up, you will be ready for that person.
Love your post like always, although I would like to briefly point out that parts of this one seemed disjointed as if spoken from someone else or spoken more directly.
ANYWAYS, I would like to also comment on what the guy above me said:
"I think that the person who is the "one" whenever they show up, you will be ready for that person."
I'm going to have to go ahead and say that I now believe that to be a load of crap. As we all know life is not perfect nor fair, correct? Knowing this little truth sinks in at an early age when time and time again our parents take away our toys and as a child, we, respond, "You're not being fair!" with angry screams while stamping our feet. Then of course our parents chant the time old saying, "Well, life isn't fair". This is how we learn at such an early age that life is neither fair nor perfect. Then after a few years of dating we learn yet another valuable lesson, some of us slower than others. We learn that love is never easy and takes careful gardening to continue to thrive through storm or frost. Some may disagree with me, but that is because they are on a slower path of life and have not learned this hard lesson yet. These two lessons, life is neither fair nor perfect and love is never easy, once taken to heart and coupled together dispense any childhood fantasies of "being magically ready" when the "One" first graces us with their smile. You will never be "ready", you will never have "all your ducks in a row", you will never be just one step away from "settling down" and you all best get use to that. Life throws wrenches into the wheels we carefully maintain as our lives all the time and the best we can do is take life in the moment, being open to change and the unexpected because that is when the "One" will show up. Unexpectedly when you have mustard on your face, or you're without a job, or before you get a chance to "settle down" after moving somewhere new he or she will strut into your life without waiting for your perfectly scheduled time.
Ready or not because here they come.
If you believe that the "you will be ready for when that "one" person shows up" is a childhood fantasy, then how can you believe that the there being such a person out there for us all is not a childhood fantasy as well.
Why do we, as a society believe in soul mates and etc. Is it because its what our parents told us when we were younger, cause I remember my parents telling me about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and they don't exist.
Even if this so called person does exist, how would we even know if they were the one. Maybe we just fool ourselves in to thinking that the person we are with at the moment is the one because its going well and then when things get rough and it ends we can say well I guess they were not the one, and then throw ourselves back into the dating pool with the belief that this person is still out there for us to find.
Wow! I am so grateful that my blog has inspired this kind of insight and discussion.
I will say the blog sounds disjointed because it was written at two different times and melded together (a month apart).
As for the "one" and the "timing" on it, I think that Gaby makes a really good point about life not happening in a perfect little plan, and I think that Justin, you may be right about the "one" being a Santa Claus...
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