Lately I've been wondering why I have not been swept away in my current romance.
You know when you think about romance, and relationships and falling in love you think of butterflies and dizziness; giddy moments of getting all "cheesed out". Usually these little moments are not constant but last around 6 months to a year in a high dosage. It's what most refer to as "puppy love".
I began to think that maybe I don't really love him, maybe I have him around for other reasons. And I have been in my fair share of relationships so I can usually spot love from lust and using (filling a void) from actually wanting to be with someone. This conclusion, however, does not make much sense to me since I have been more myself around him than anyone before- and he is not only more accepting than the others but more receptive to my personality.
So how could I not be falling head over heels?
That's just it. I am not in a tangled mess, I am not floating of the ground or falling off my chair. I went into relationship with my bag stocked full of super glue, red flags, and heavy stones to keep my feet on the ground and my head clear.
I am Jaded.
But it's okay! Even though it kinda sucks not to get swept away, I realize now that my past relationships have prepared me to be more solid going into the next. I figured out it has nothing to do with him, it's me- and the mistakes I am not willing to make again. So now that I figured all that out and am still working through the anger towards the people that caused me to lose my ability to love lightly, how do I make this relationship still important and nurture it while not letting it consume or control me?
I guess I will just have to wait and find out.
Until then.
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1 comment:
I agree that the reason you have not been swept off your feat is because you your past relationships have made you cautious about getting swept away. The problem with getting swept off your feet, is that eventually that feeling will fade, it doesn't mean that the relationship will end, but the thrill of the relationship will fade atleast a little. It seems that the majority of relationships that doesn't sweep you off your feet tend to last longer and seem to be more meaningful in the long run.
As for making this relationship important and nuturing it, my advice would just start out by taking it day by day, just have fun, and don't worry about the usual relationship hick ups. The last thing I will say is that, if you still feel anger at those other people you dated,who caused you to lose your ability to love lightly, then you will not gain that ability back, because that anger will always bring up your fears and doubts about your current relationship even if they are not warrented. You need to get over what caused your scars before you can expect them to fade.
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